This is a rough draft but it’s a sample
Ive begun this story over a thousand times, whether in attempts to document
what happened or as it runs through my mind, in spurts and bits, pieces unwanted, crowding out any ability for productive thought or non reactive behavior. But these pieces are there to form a whole, one I had to swallow. One that changed the course of my life forever.
But isn’t that what life is. A stream of events, over which we do or don’t have control, which come in part to shape our life, or is it instead what we make of them. How we interpret what happens to us.Others reactions. How we are conditioned. If we are taught self love, we learn to interpret others deficiencies as our own, allowing the unconscious projections are inevitable in the face of open . If we learn to self loathe, we absorb the defects of others without any sense that it is not ours to own. It is many things. Those which come to form what we call life. . And genetics •. Perhaps it is all three. Or perhaps
It is All? The will of God
Any doubt I had had been in greater being evaporated the more I experienced grace that was otherworldly and beyond my own doing. I live now today with the utter conviction that I will not go before my time. Because my time has been up for a while and i am still here, too times pulled through bt forces that went beyond merely me and you, Was that my perspective, No, actually by scientific weight, it Is the truth, Otherwise 99% likelihood it would have been the other way, And the words of the dead dont write themselves. Nor the words of the damned. They dont have the patience to uphold
But this isn’t about what if these events are not only out of our control, but we are able to live no other choices of my own volition. My choice to work, be credible, not disabled, repeatedly harassed by the same entities meant to protect me, those who had Already injured me severely ? I’ve never been one to play victim; but when you can honestly find no fault in your own intention and conduct except for curiosity and the desire to explore it l, it is difficult to not run on resentment, permanently injuries a constant reminder to the truth of what was done to you
truth is truth
And if I could change it , I would
If I could instead assume all responsibility as oppose to simmer in an anger I’ve jeher asked for or yet in life experienced? You’d Prefer it.
et me start a little closer to the beginning. For the time being at least .
I never was an angry person. Let things roll right off me.
I became angry. An animal caged too long, poked and prodded for years by those whom I’d been conditioned. Always I ended up more damaged
I Moved here with A Masters in Counseling from KentState, I was prepared to being an Internship with a local therapist who was already situated in the area and interested in working with me. We had planned to implement a drug and alcohol counseling wing to the Seacoast Mental Health Center, a local counseling center. THree months before we were going to begin, i was in a major car accident. But first things first.
I met a man who would not go away around this time who later became my fiancé. Or perhaps not that much later. Mere months he proposed and at 33, fond of this man who truly was an anomaly but one i (correctly) had surmised was also a narcissist . A long as I brought my steady steely self to the table,, huge was warm glue I hadn’t enough broken for. I allowed him to stick and spread despite the fact none of my family or friends were fond of him and i was plenty aware of the stereotypes signs Not to end up with a particular person. I ignored all posts and went full speed ahead, as though some sense of adolescent immunity had finally caught up with me and i had no fear. I would learn a lot about fear in the oncoming years, far more than i had experienced in a lifetime.
Far more than i ever will experience again. Unless i am placed in isolation without rhyme or reason again, never told when i will be released. or in a full spin on the highway after being hit at 95mph, I do not believe I will ever be as afraid again..But at that time, I hadn’t a notion on any conscious level my whole life would change completely, except for that little voice inside of me Knowing, Certain, that i could not get away with doing what i was doign without some sort of ramification. That i couldn’t possibly be so smart as to be the First one to have thought of such a system’ for obtaining free samples of what i had researched extensively. Agents that allowed one to tap into more than just that 3% of our brain.My intention was good and i was hurting no one. Not even myself, part of the plan ensuring any and all samples would be clean as any fistricuout local or overseas would be certain to send pure, as i would promise to buy in bulk if we tested it as such. Had i in fact planned to purchase large quantities, had i in fact Done So, Both of these are federal crimes. But I had no intention to do such a thing though so certain were they that a year and a ha;of After my primary Arrest for being an alleged domestic terrorist, they acted without evidence, a judges signature or a warrant. In a sense of these things, were they mistaken, As they Would then be guilty of severe human rights violations. Most especially the way i was handled, interrogation and held for element days while they tore up my apartment. They found nothing., because there was nothing to find and the head Agent, Garry Decker (who subsequently took over the property i lived on in order to dig up the entire yard,,,). Was furious. On my back fro the bathroom, arms and feet cuffed themselves then tougher, i saw him throw a [plastic cup again the wall, unaware i was passing. God DAMMIT he shouted. They had nothing on me and he hadn’t expected this,, He was aware unless they FOUND something or were able within three years to charged me with a felony drug crime, He would be the one who may not walk free. NOT ME. But i didnt know all this then. It took years of reading orginal reports obtained, putting things together, officer testimony itself and learning even more law then i knew from the police academy thirteen years power, to realize exactly what they were up to.
What happened to me has happened to millions, but it is rarely spoken about, largely in part because the majority of those who have lived what i have are no longer living or had their voices stolen in effect of rampart defamation or federal incarceration. THe broadest example of what I lived I, or any, can imagine, us that of an African American, falsely accused of a crime and when the state realizes they made a mistake in their prosecution, as oppose to redeem the innocent, they instead ensure that person becomes who they needed in order to ensure they are safeguarded,
While these establishments are rigorous in attempting to ensure the public only sees them as a united front in the interest Of the Public, the Actuality is they will unite and band together to protect a fellow officer, even if that officer has ade a grievous mistake and if it will cost an innocent their own freedom or life. If it happened to me, it could happen to anyone. In my instance I was indicted on murder, or grand theft ardently, but on Disticution of Research Cheimcals, which, in 2011, following the World Trade Center Bombings ten years prior, was deemed not only a federal offense but a threat on. Domestic welfare, thereby labeling me a domestic terrorist.
I will indulge the details of exactly why they not only suspected this, but had nothing else To suspect. But the irony lies in the fact, that was the point. I had created a profile…..
Now the question is, should I recount what happened in sequence. The seven year span, one week, month, year at a time. Do i start in the middle and then go back in order to explain the hows and whys. So many ways my mind has yelled all this at me, thrown me into it full force again without my permission.
So many obscure, obscene, horrific events, one after another resulting in false incarcerations, permanent injuries, an attempt on my life and ultimately, a near immunity from the law in effect of the fact, armed with reports dating back from the start, easily able to prove every human rights violations and offense upon my person, most state and local officials would prefer i not stand b enforce a judge. The last Tim this occurred, three officers were suspended and two were put on leave. They are aware, I have what i need even to show they were complicit in the 2015 attempt on my life, that the state falsified the report and that more than easily proven, would enforce, they then explain why. This would ensure many, too many, officials would be facing federal charges, such as solicitation to murder, and well, they will do anything to avoid this. And they did. But perhaps i was just a better strategist than the entire state and local officers over the span of five years, or perhaps, i was meant to slide out this other side and be j voice for those who were silenced for the same reasons they attempted to silence me. To avoid dire consequences of their intensely illegal actions.
So what is my story
Where does it start
Where does it end
I don’t think it has ended
I’m interview type form I share what happened. Also there are podcast, my invited for example to be on the KC Armstrong show for a six episode series. I should have known better. After the firsr they began going to my medical providers former to that attempting to get NO trespass orders or ANYTHING POSSIBLE even against the well wishes of the establishment. This was to repeatedly ensure I didn’t have character witnesses, anyone who could get to know me. But several have despite their years of attempts to lie betray use others with charges to ram into me or ask for a medication
You name it. Tim and Bob? 60sz motorcycles and when I trusted Bob enough to go? No helmet and a check at the speedometer showed we were going 96mph on the highway. Other more major AJD minor things that didn’t make sense. And he never accounted for that. He never even asked if o had ridden before. But that was one of far too many and If I go down the list you’ll just get … bored. Attempts to get my browser history (here! Borrow this new computer even though you never mentioned one at all. Ever; when I said no, ex chief of pd involved in the 2011 raid? Hacked into my phone and computer using my trust instead. Much better. These are two of dozens upon dozens of examples over the years and the least of it. Entrapping me into a hit and run isn’t as bad as attempting to kill me in 2015. But as the false incarceration was ruled as such just the year before, they couldn’t try THAT again. I left them defamation, shitting all over my name and attempting to get my license
The sad truth is; had they not found out whom my parents were after what they did in 2015? My End Likely would have been far different. But MONEY AND MY PARENTS BEING WHOM THEY Are? Suddenly the police misconduct ceased. I thought maybe it was because they felt bad giving me another major concussion without proper treatment but the fact was they eealzled they couldn’t get away with wha they had beleoced and would be held accountable. At least that’s what they believed thinking my parents were well , as parents usually WOULD be. And no ones to sign off AGAINST me without checking out their facts. Had they done that in 201-? No prayer request would have been granted to a mother who lied and said I was suicidal after the DEA lied about what I was not doing. She was angry. Told by a judge after my eleven days she was ordered to therapy and lucky she didn’t get a felony given her false statement did such immense damage to me psychologically and physically. They didn’t know the year before when the JAIL CALLED AMD said I should not be there that my oarsmen said ‘leave her there’ then were angry when I got Doig reinvolved and didn’t go home to them.
So yes Gods grace and also my never seeing myself ina place they had reserved for me too many times
In 2011 paperwork indicates here a THIRD TRANSFER was ordered. I was on the floor with the MOST FREEDOM and least restrictions so where would they transfer me to? And the only thing that arrested that was when MH state found out they had been lied to . Doug had rite aid fax mh state the fact I was on a med that the withdrawal would cause ANYONE To go into a horrid state that would last months. It is a withdrawal labelled IMHUMANE IN THE US AND UK. They realized they had tried to do this to me what was going to happen next was not ok. So they let me go. They had? Nothing.
. And I’m not sure it ever will. Just last week I found the whole bolt system removed from my rear wheel of my bike that I ride? All the time I asked the shop manager if her was certain there was no way the bolt could have been removed or fallen out due to natural causes or wear and tear
He sais? No way
It was manually removed
So why, eight years after the unwarranted arrest of my person for what I did not do, do I still suspect that they would rather I he incriminated or exi FYI she’s? Because until 2021, since I now have medical evidence of the atrophy which was experienced in the Brentwood jail cell, the arresting officer having lied on the report to ensure I wasn’t admitted for emergency tretment / and that literally nearly cost me my life and now, eight years later I finall hage the medical evidence I could get for years. No one believed me